Why I don't want to appear as very religious

Life of Pi and Religion

Yesterday I watched Life of Pi. Magnificently shot, I have to say it did complete justice to the book. It has been nearly 6 years since I read the book and while Pi's extraordinary journey, the tiger and carnivorous island remained with me, the religion part somehow slipped out of my memory. The movie did refresh those bits of the book for me. And someone made a passing remark after the movie, on a funny note that I should endeavor to become like Pi, who follows all religions he knew about. My response was that I had long since turned into a semi-skeptic who doesn't follow any religion at all. A few hours later, this someone who also happens to be my husband said people misinterpret religion. He was most likely referring to the holy war, nothing about which strikes me as holy. I'll come to that, shortly.

Okay, I don't know why the "religion" topic makes me want to write. One of my first articles to the college magazine was about (awwwwwwwww) religion! As far as I remember, this blog also features one such post. Or may be I know why. It is a touchy subject with certain people and it is not often that one gets to speak of it. Speaking without being on guard forever for the fear about hurting someone's sentiments. And it is a nebulous subject anyway - there are only opinions and beliefs and hardly any facts to base your arguments on.That is why I turn to blogs or writing. Whoever reads it, does it at their own risk.

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I'm reading this draft after 2 years and now I've quite forgotten what I wanted to write in the first place. But there is a new thought. I try not to appear very religious and some times even cover up my last vestiges of religious practice, especially in front of non- Indians. My husband also does the same, for e.g. he would totally refuse to hang round the mirror of our car the red thread with a dollar that the Pujari gave after car puja, citing the reason that his white colleagues often travel with him and he is not comfortable with such a display of religion. I too sometimes feel the same way and wondered what is driving this behaviour. I think this is because most of the super religious people I happened to meet so far came across as quite dogmatic, a bit superstitious and most importantly for me, very closed and not open to discussion, not opening to questioning on certain topics. I don't want to be that someone. I'm the sort who admires how Reform came about in Christianity - by questioning how blood can turn into wine; how Hinduism mostly moved away from animal slaughter at temples and enshrined vegetarianism - by imbibing the then new principles of non-violence that Buddhism and Jainism brought to fore. And I am the sort who thinks it a huge contradiction that moderate Muslims should stand by very harsh, explicitly violence-preaching phrases in Quran, saying it is misinterpreted . Isn't it time for reform in Islam too?

Moments of epiphany

A few months ago, my identity got totally transformed. I'm a mother. Period. Nothing else. I'm called "mom" at the neo natal ward, at the immunization clinic, at baby stores, by the lactation consultant, at the airport, on the flight and everywhere else even when my own 9 month old is a long way from calling me mom. My duties of course are taking care of the baby, taking care of the baby, taking care of the baby (no, thats not a typing mistake) and perhaps making sure the fridge is stocked up. Dearly as I love my baby, I cannot help complaining at times. I had thought about adoption at one point of time and wonder if I could have coped with an adopted baby.

Anyway, now as the highs and lows of roller coaster that is new parenthood seem to smoothen out a little and I get some breathing space to re-look at my life, I realize I cannot be a stay at home mom anymore. I need my sense of fulfillment to be derived from a myriad of sources - family, career, charity, nature, books etc., not just one. One day, as I was thinking hard about this, I remembered something. This realization had come even earlier. There was a moment of epiphany two years ago.

Cut to April 2012. I arrived in Singapore, nervous about staying together with my husband for the first time and excited about experiencing life as an INSEAD "partner". It was a good thing they regard the word "wife" as a non-inclusive one since it is the prerogative of only married, straight women. "Partner" is so much more better, it includes anyone. I liked being called a partner too as I wasn't too comfortable with the wife identity still. Doesn't "girl friend" sound more cool? (After two years it doesn't sound cool anymore, only childish, but that's another story). One afternoon, after a movie plan, some of the partners were planning to shop for clothes and having nothing better on my hands to do, I joined them. I very distinctly remember standing in the queue for trial rooms at Cotton On and chatting with one of the partners about the fit of Gap jeans. All this while, at the back of my head a thought kept running. That this is what being a partner is all mostly about. Somehow, that memoryshot (I just improvised screenshot). Okay, that moment of standing at a trial room and discussing fit of clothes somehow for me symbolized the word "wife". And I was thinking then that I wouldn't want to be recognized primarily as "ABC's wife".And I'm thinking the same now. Déjà vu moment.

English Countryside

I am back in Europe for a short while again - that is, if you can call UK Europe.

During the recent Easter vacation, I was really in a mood to sit by a train window and watch the countryside roll-by. And well, did exactly the same - travelled along the eastern coast twice in day light. The Lothian-North Umbria borders are particularly beautiful with their high cliffs facing the sea and snow clad mountains in the distance. Then followed the rolling meadows of Midlands and th fat sheep grazing everywhere. However, the southern part is more or less monotonous after a while. Stretches of green and a few horse farms that aren't unpleasant to look at, but thats about it. Oh yeah, courtesy some rain followed by bright sunlight, I saw a complete rainbow for the first time - a complete, bright semicircle :)

A New Genre of Music from Rehman

There's this new movie Ye Maaya Chesave directed by Gowtham Vasudev Menon. The movie and even the background score by Rehman seemed just average when I watched it on my laptop. Might be or might not be the case had I watched it on the big screen.

But after two weeks, both the visuals and the music lingered on. Typical of Rehman's music, the songs grew on me with repeated playing. My personal favourites are Vintunnava and Aaromale - Vintunnava is the usual soft romantic rendition with lots of instrumental music whereas Aaromale has an Elton John feel to it, starting with the guitar beats and melting into Hindustani later on. Even the Hosanna song is a great attempt at fusion music reminding of African music here and there.

Krugman and His Cult

I have been hooked to Krugman's blog and his realistic approach to capitalism for quite some time. I hope people who matter are paying him attention. (Well, its a good thing that he got the Nobel this year).

For those interested to know more, visit http://krugman.blogs.nytimes.com

Ohhh.. So it has been two years - since my last post, since I left IIFT. I have hardly noticed time flying by, although life seems to have changed a great deal, on reflection. From the initial emptiness of the weekends on my first job to the weekends that seems to pass at a blink, hanging out with mostly single crowd to dining with families, excitement of the first car to feeling positively lazy about driving, zero worries about weight to thinking of calorie-cutting, ebullience of a fresh grad in supposedly best times to being glad about any work, it looks like the process of my "auntification" has already begun.

Yet, today I feel closer to the first halves than the latter, with a nostalgic pang hitting me. I have stopped craving for college life long ago-today seems to be one of those exceptions. In any case, I probably wouldn't swap present for the past and hence this post wouldn't be any more than a hyped-up rant. All that I can truly say that I miss a certain 'freshness' now, even if I cannot pin point what it is.

Corbett National Park and Nainital

15th Feb 2007, Room No. 14, Old Hostel, IIFT:

Plans are being finalized for the Jim Corbett trip. Due to the sudden addition of the occupants of rooms 13 and 14, the possibility of so many people getting accommodation inside the park rapidly declined.

16th Feb 2007, 12.30 p.m., outside acad block, IIFT:

Two Qualises are waiting and we happily load our luggage and set off, music blaring loudly. After Ghaziabad, the excitement tones down, as people take their turns sleeping.

6.30. p.m. : Authentic Punjabi pre-dinner meal at a famous dhabha.
8.30 p.m. : Saurabh’s brother swapped for Harry in the girls' qualis. Antyakshari is on and Harry brings entertainment to the party with his “mein samudar mein”, sung in his peculiar style.
9.30 p.m. : Ramnagar reached.
10.00 p.m. : We reach Jim Corbett Park. Home-like-food for dinner at the forest bungalow.

17th Feb 2007, Forest Bungalow, Jim Corbett Park:

4.30 a.m. : Wake up, get ready.
5.30 a.m. : The man who promised passes the previous night is untraceable .
7.00 a.m. : Search abandoned, other plans made.
7.30 a.m. : Short walk with Deepa.
8.30 a.m. : Off to the temple in the middle of the river .
9.00 a.m. : Encounter with the lunatic sporting a gun, with a friend's giggles augumenting the danger element of this adventure.
9.30 a.m. : On our way to Corbett falls .
10.00 a.m.: Thick vegetation, rainforest ambience, I walk faster than the group, only to be slowed by the loud shouts of a large group near the falls. As the vegetation clears, I see PC clicking a snap of CP. Wow, the noisy group is none other than Placecom + PC.
1.00 p.m. : Videos for the UP election campaign are being shot. Quick lunch and then we’re off to the safari on the gypsies. The other IIFT group is already there, donning caps and goggles.
Till 5.30 p.m. : We spot Cheetal, Barking deer, Porcupine and dung of a wild tusker. Spend some time on the watch tower and return to the bungalow.
6.00 p.m. : Both the drivers missing. Hunt on.
7.00 p.m. : Both appear drunk and we try to guess who is more sober of the two. Off to Nainital

17th Feb 2007, Enroute Nainital:

7.30 p.m. : Safer route closed due to snowfall. We risk taking the steeper route.
8.00 p.m. : The other qualis pulls off the road suddenly. Reason – overheating. The same repeats four or five times in quick succession.
8.45 p.m. : The climb almost finished, millions of starts in the sky, patches of snow on either sides of the road.
11.00 p.m. : Bitter cold although the hotel room is paneled in wood.

18th Feb 2007, Lawn facing the Lake, Hotel Rose Star, Nainital:

7.00 a.m. : Short walk, hot chocolate and John Grisham’s The Summons.
10.00 a.m. : On the rope car, photo sessions at snow point
12.30 p.m. : Pedal Boating, dockie paddles hard and smokes harder.
2.00 p.m. : Placecom spotted again, Sumit hosts lunch at the fabulous boat club of Nainital.
5.30 p.m. : Candles bought, off to Delhi.

Adventure on the Highway

18th Feb 2007, National Highway No. 7, 70 km from Hirdhwani:

8.00 p.m. : Driver suspected of taking a few swigs while we stopped somewhere.
8.30 p.m. : Very rash driving, insistence on listening to Jagjit Singh’s Ghazals at the loudest possible volume.
9.20 p.m. : Driver expresses his desire to meet his children in the village as well as his dead parents.
9.25 p.m. : Anshu takes the wheel by force. Driver goes on rambling, Anshu shuts him up and shall be called ‘Hero on the Highway’ in the later days.
10.30 p.m. : We stop at the dhabha to grab a bite. I almost doze off.
10.50 p.m. : Driver missing along with his bag.
11.00 p.m. : Search futile. Anshu decides to drive all the way to Delhi. Entertains/scares us with stories of the notorious dacoits of Uttar Pradesh..
1.00 a.m. : Near Ghaziabad. Flat tyre on the other qualis. Too sleepy by now, can hardly understand what is happening.
4.00 a.m. : Anshu finally parks the car in the campus.

19th February 2007, IIFT, New Delhi:

The owner comes and takes his car away, with promises of taking the driver to task incase he is found. I discover I left a few cassettes in the car. Life resumes in the normal mode with two hour breakfasts, three hour lunches and four hour dinners. (Includes time spent in making calls to collect people).

A sample weekend in February – The party month

I get the wake up call at 7.30 a.m., but am almost ready by then. A few decent souls will sit in the CRM class shortly, while half of the bunking community is already out of campus and the other half sleeping cozily underneath their razaayis.

It is a beautiful day and the sky is partially overcast. Perfect weather when you have to spend many hours outdoors. Chenchu wants breakfast, but we finally decide some biscuits will do. Some haggling with autowallas and we are off to Daryaganj. Loads of books lie there on the platforms, waiting to be picked up. Book lovers, with their bags slung across the backs like us throng the streets, even as the books are being unloaded. We walk to and fro till the end of the street and soon our bag is heavy and books are almost spilling off. It starts to drizzle lightly, so we get into an auto for CP.

Chenchu’s treat had long been due and we go to Embassy restaurant – bad ambience and high prices. We study the menu, enquire if they have Italian and getting the assured ‘no’ as the answer, leave the place. By the now the Sun is out, making the the Connaught Place corridors sparkle. We roam around in the afternoon breeze for a while and then enter Grand Coffee Palace, with authentic English ambience and excellent menu.

Presently we head for South Ex, to get IIFT T-shirts, spending more than an hour at the Mc Donald’s, waiting for a certain Mr. Mehta to arrive. Its pure fun of course, after he arrives, with Mehtaji taking care of the shop in the absence of the shopkeeper and driving us away because we were blocking the customers from shopping. Then we go to ‘Ghost Rider’, an average movie, but a welcome change after a series of mushy romantic comedies. Dinner appointment with a long forgotten senior and I am back on the campus, putting my name on all the books I bought.

సిరివెన్నెల కలం నించి జాలువారిన ఆణిముత్యం.....

జగమంత కుటుంబం నాది యేకాకి జీవితం నాది
సంసార సాగరం నాదే సన్యాసం శూన్యం నావే
జగమంత కుటుంబం నాది యేకాకి జీవితం నాది

కవినై కవితనై భార్యనై భర్తనై
మల్లెల దారిలో మంచు ఎడారిలో
పన్నీటి జయగీతాల కన్నీటి జలపాతాల
నాతో నేను అనుగమిస్తు నాతో నేనే రమిస్తూ
ఒంటరినై అనవరతం కంటున్నాను నిరంతరం
కలల్ని కథల్ని మాటల్ని పాటల్నిరంగుల్నీ
రంగవల్లులనీ కావ్య కన్యల్ని ఆడ పిల్లలని

జగమంత కుటుంబం నాది యేకాకి జీవితం నాది

మింటికి కంటిని నేనై
కంటను మంటను నేనై
మంటల మాటున వెన్నెల నేనై
వెన్నెల కూతల మంటను నేనై
రవినై శశినై దివమై నిశినై
నాతో నేనే సహగమిస్తూ నాతో నేనే రమిస్తూ
వంటరినై ప్రతినిమిషం కంటున్నాను నిరంతరం
కిరణాల్ని కిరణాల హరిణాల్ని హరిణాల చరణాల్ని చరణాల చలనాన
కనరాని గమ్యాల కాలాన్ని ఇంద్ర జాలాన్ని

జగమంత కుటుంబం నాది యేకాకి జీవితం నాది

గాలి పల్లకీలోన తరలి నా పాట పాప ఊరేగి వెడలె
గొంతు వాకిలిని మూసి మరలి తను మూగబోయి
నా గుండె మిగిలె
నా హృదయమే నా లోగిలి నా హృదయమే నా పాటకి తల్లి
నా హృదయమే నాకు ఆలి నా హృదయములో ఇది సినీవాలి

జగమంత కుటుంబం నాది యేకాకి జీవితం నాది
చలనాన కనరాని గమ్యాల కాలాన్ని ఇంద్ర జాలాన్ని
జగమంత కుటుంబం నాది యేకాకి జీవితం నాది

This song inspired a film. Rather, a film is created for this song.
It is the last song at http://www.dishant.com/album/Chakram.html

Poetry is felt before it is understood.

Kanakambarala Kanakarao and his family

chevilo mandaaram undi kaani eeyane kanakambarala kanakarao. ee kinda unna ammayi meeda manasu paddadu, dream girl song kooda paadukunnadu. picchi choopulu choosthondi kada ani picchi anukovaddu. telivi kastha thakkuvanthe.

చెవిలో మందారం ఉంది కానీ ఈయన పేరే కనకాంబరాల కనకారవు. ఈ కింద ఉన్న అమ్మాయి మీద మనసు పడ్ద్డాడు. dream girl song కూడా పాడుకున్నాడు. పిచ్చి చూపులు చూస్తోంది కదా అని పిచ్చి అనుకోవద్దు. కొంచెం తెలివి తక్కువ అంతే.

kaani cinemallo laage pedda valla valana ee kinda unna ammayi tho pellayipoyindi.

కానీ సినిమాల్లో లాగానే పెద్ద వాళ్ళ వల్ల ఈ కింద ఉన్న మందారం అనే అమ్మాయి తో పెళ్ళి అయిపోయింది.

ee kinda unna vaade valla buddodu.

వీడే వాళ్ళ బుడ్డోడు.

peru inkaa pettaledhu.

పేరు ఇంకా పెట్టలేదు.

ee kanakambarala kanakarao real life character evaro meeru kanipettagaligithe Rs.116/- cash prize from my side.

real life lo కనకాంబరాల కనకారవు ఎవరో కనిపెట్టగలిగిన వాళ్ళకి నా తరఫున నూట పదహార్లు బహుమానం.

A weekend at Espoo

`

Because of my usual habit of happily ignoring alarms and because yesterday the cell was conveniently in the silent mode, I was still warmly tucked into the bed when I started getting calls. Ouch, I missed an appointment and along with it breakfast at a cute sea-side restaurant. I asked my friend to drive over to my place, got ready and prepared breakfast with all my efficiency. Its scrambled eggs and toast for him and left overs from the previous day for me. The project discussion took really long after the breakfast and so I asked my friends to leave for the city centre without waiting for me. Our Finnish friend Sussi had agreed to drive us to Espoo earlier.

`

Fortunately for me Sussi also got late and my friend was kind enough to drive me to the city centre and I could join my friends in time. The drive to the Espoo was beautiful and we stopped by the Mecca of Finland, the Nokia global headquarters. They have a huge campus by the sea side and a helipad even. Then we drove by the luxurious '5-million-each' houses with a view to the sea. We slowly crossed the city limits of Espoo and in no time off into the beautiful country side and woods.

`

Sussi parked her car around a corner and we started walking into the woods, uphill - there was a small creek running along the path, gurgling with fresh water. Quite reminiscient of that particular forest adventure in January 2005, only that there is no heat and sweat this time. So we walked, and Lo! there a quiet lake at the end of the trail. There is a small wooden cottage even, with a fire place and smoke in the chimney. Very much like a fairy tale setting.

`

After that, we had custard cake at a typical cosy cottage restaurant. As its Christmas time, it looked even warmer and festive. Then we went to Sussi's small cute home with its little garden and spent a few hours chatting. The drive back home on well illuminated highways was also worth an experience. As a perfect end to a perfect day, we watched 'Love Actually' at night before dozing off.