Why I don't want to appear as very religious

Life of Pi and Religion

Yesterday I watched Life of Pi. Magnificently shot, I have to say it did complete justice to the book. It has been nearly 6 years since I read the book and while Pi's extraordinary journey, the tiger and carnivorous island remained with me, the religion part somehow slipped out of my memory. The movie did refresh those bits of the book for me. And someone made a passing remark after the movie, on a funny note that I should endeavor to become like Pi, who follows all religions he knew about. My response was that I had long since turned into a semi-skeptic who doesn't follow any religion at all. A few hours later, this someone who also happens to be my husband said people misinterpret religion. He was most likely referring to the holy war, nothing about which strikes me as holy. I'll come to that, shortly.

Okay, I don't know why the "religion" topic makes me want to write. One of my first articles to the college magazine was about (awwwwwwwww) religion! As far as I remember, this blog also features one such post. Or may be I know why. It is a touchy subject with certain people and it is not often that one gets to speak of it. Speaking without being on guard forever for the fear about hurting someone's sentiments. And it is a nebulous subject anyway - there are only opinions and beliefs and hardly any facts to base your arguments on.That is why I turn to blogs or writing. Whoever reads it, does it at their own risk.

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I'm reading this draft after 2 years and now I've quite forgotten what I wanted to write in the first place. But there is a new thought. I try not to appear very religious and some times even cover up my last vestiges of religious practice, especially in front of non- Indians. My husband also does the same, for e.g. he would totally refuse to hang round the mirror of our car the red thread with a dollar that the Pujari gave after car puja, citing the reason that his white colleagues often travel with him and he is not comfortable with such a display of religion. I too sometimes feel the same way and wondered what is driving this behaviour. I think this is because most of the super religious people I happened to meet so far came across as quite dogmatic, a bit superstitious and most importantly for me, very closed and not open to discussion, not opening to questioning on certain topics. I don't want to be that someone. I'm the sort who admires how Reform came about in Christianity - by questioning how blood can turn into wine; how Hinduism mostly moved away from animal slaughter at temples and enshrined vegetarianism - by imbibing the then new principles of non-violence that Buddhism and Jainism brought to fore. And I am the sort who thinks it a huge contradiction that moderate Muslims should stand by very harsh, explicitly violence-preaching phrases in Quran, saying it is misinterpreted . Isn't it time for reform in Islam too?

Moments of epiphany

A few months ago, my identity got totally transformed. I'm a mother. Period. Nothing else. I'm called "mom" at the neo natal ward, at the immunization clinic, at baby stores, by the lactation consultant, at the airport, on the flight and everywhere else even when my own 9 month old is a long way from calling me mom. My duties of course are taking care of the baby, taking care of the baby, taking care of the baby (no, thats not a typing mistake) and perhaps making sure the fridge is stocked up. Dearly as I love my baby, I cannot help complaining at times. I had thought about adoption at one point of time and wonder if I could have coped with an adopted baby.

Anyway, now as the highs and lows of roller coaster that is new parenthood seem to smoothen out a little and I get some breathing space to re-look at my life, I realize I cannot be a stay at home mom anymore. I need my sense of fulfillment to be derived from a myriad of sources - family, career, charity, nature, books etc., not just one. One day, as I was thinking hard about this, I remembered something. This realization had come even earlier. There was a moment of epiphany two years ago.

Cut to April 2012. I arrived in Singapore, nervous about staying together with my husband for the first time and excited about experiencing life as an INSEAD "partner". It was a good thing they regard the word "wife" as a non-inclusive one since it is the prerogative of only married, straight women. "Partner" is so much more better, it includes anyone. I liked being called a partner too as I wasn't too comfortable with the wife identity still. Doesn't "girl friend" sound more cool? (After two years it doesn't sound cool anymore, only childish, but that's another story). One afternoon, after a movie plan, some of the partners were planning to shop for clothes and having nothing better on my hands to do, I joined them. I very distinctly remember standing in the queue for trial rooms at Cotton On and chatting with one of the partners about the fit of Gap jeans. All this while, at the back of my head a thought kept running. That this is what being a partner is all mostly about. Somehow, that memoryshot (I just improvised screenshot). Okay, that moment of standing at a trial room and discussing fit of clothes somehow for me symbolized the word "wife". And I was thinking then that I wouldn't want to be recognized primarily as "ABC's wife".And I'm thinking the same now. Déjà vu moment.